


Bad Religion

by shipfiction



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, M/M, Poor Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2017-12-15 23:53:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/855413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipfiction/pseuds/shipfiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Promises aren't kept and hearts are broken. Eventually, everybody leaves Harry. <i> "It's a bad religion / To be in love with someone / Who could never love you" <i></i></i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Bad Religion

Harry isn’t dumb. Liam might not realize it, but Harry actually pays attention to what Liam does. Harry knows that Zayn is more than just a friend, but he doesn’t say anything about it. Harry doesn’t confront Liam, because he isn’t dumb. Harry knows about Liam’s late nights when he thinks Harry’s asleep. Harry can hear them perfectly clear when they’re on the couch and he’s in the bedroom, or when he’s on the couch and they’re in the bedroom. Harry can see straight through the lies Liam tells, from ‘going to Niall’s house’ to ‘helping Zayn out with a house project’. Yet Harry pretends that he’s completely clueless, because he’s not dumb.

 

It’s bittersweet. It’s sweet because Harry really loves Liam. Harry loves being with Liam. Harry loves making Liam laugh, Harry loves making Liam smile, Harry loves being able to wrap his arms around Liam and kiss him just because he can, Harry loves the way Liam smells. Harry loves making love to Liam, and cuddling with him on rainy days. Harry loves talking with Liam, and living with Liam. Harry loves loving Liam, and it kills him because he doesn’t know where it went wrong. Bitter. It’s the bitter taste in his mouth when Liam lies to him yet again, the bitter feeling in his heart when he hears Liam call out a name that isn’t his own, the bitter touch of Liam’s skin when it brushes against his. The simple act of looking at Liam, it’s bittersweet.

 

That word flashes behind Harry’s eyelids along with beautiful memories of happy times with Liam as he listens to Liam fuck Zayn in the living room once more, and Harry honestly doesn’t believe his heart will ever be able to be repaired after this. But Harry doesn’t get up and go out to the living room to confront Liam. No, he loves him too much to do that. Harry just subtly packs all of his stuff up when Liam isn’t paying attention; trying his best to enjoy the mere moments he has left with him. Harry’s heart breaks a little more every time Liam pretends he doesn’t notice that Harry’s stuff keeps disappearing.

 

Harry takes a deep breath, remembering the first time that he realized what he felt for Liam, what he still feels for Liam, and a ghost of smile graces his lips.

 

* * *

 

_Harry says doesn’t say anything as he tries to hold himself together, at least until he can get out of Louis’ house. The sad part is that Louis doesn’t even get out of the bed, he doesn’t even try to apologize, he doesn’t even try to get Harry to give him another chance. For the first time, Harry feels worthless._

_“Goodbye, Lou.” Harry whispers, standing stiff at the foot of Louis’ bed. Louis remains silent, his blankets pooling around his waist as he sits up, the girl in bed with him looking guilty. Harry feels bad for her. Harry Styles is having his heart ripped in half, and he feels bad for the poor girl lying in bed with his now ex boyfriend. He feels bad for her because she didn’t know; he can see it on her face. Harry also feels bad for Louis. Harry feels bad for Louis because he knows that Louis won’t amount to much more than this. Harry mentally bids goodbye to the last 8 months he spent with Louis and spares one more glance at him, the girl, then back at Louis before turning around and walking right out of Louis’ bedroom. Harry doesn’t look back._

_Harry waits until he’s quietly closed Louis’ house door behind him, walked down the short pathway and out the little white gate surrounding the house before breaking down, piece by piece. Harry waits until he’s got his car door open and he’s sat inside before he lets himself cry. Harry sobs, his entire being shaking with the force of this pain. Harry grips the steering wheel and stares at the dashboard through broken green eyes. Harry’s cheeks are red-hot and tear stained, and his curls are wilder than usual. Harry shoves his hand in his pocket and pulls out his phone, dialing the number of his best friend, the one guy who he just knows would never break his heart like this. Liam._

_“Harry?” Liam asks._

_“L-Louis cheated on me.” Harry blurts out, taking several deep breaths to calm himself down enough to be able to speak clearly. “With a girl. I walked in on them.”_

_“Oh, Harry, I’m so sorry. What a fucking prick! I’ll kill him.” Liam growls._

_“He didn’t even apologize, he didn’t even get out of bed. He didn’t even say goodbye. He just sat there, Liam. The fucking girl looked more apologetic than he did. He never cared about me, did he? I bet he was sneaking behind my back the entire time.”_

_“The right guy is out there for you, Harry, just don’t look for him. He’ll come around when the time is right.” Liam pauses, not long enough for it to get awkward. “Why don’t you come to mine? You can stay as long as you want, I’ll take you out to eat, or we could rent a few movies and stay home and get a bunch of take away. I’ll cuddle with you and everything.” Liam offers, his familiar voice making Harry smile._

_“Thanks, Liam.”_

_“Of course. Just stop by yours and get a few changes of clothes, or not, you can just wear mine if you want. Actually, yeah, just come straight here, okay? I have plenty of clothes for you to wear; I just need to take care of you. God, Louis, what an asshole, who knew? Harry, I really wish you would fall for the guys who actually cared for you.”_

_“I want to fall for guys who actually care for me.” Harry says, reaching up with his other hand to wipe the tears from his face._

_“If we dated I’d never cheat on you. I’d treat you like you were made of gold.” Liam says, a smile in his voice._

_“I love you, Li,”_

_“I love you too, Harry.” Liam says, before hanging up, and Harry feels himself start to fall. You could call Liam a rebound, but Harry knows it’s so much more._

__* * *_ _

__Three years. Harry was with Liam for three years. Harry loved Liam, for three years. Harry spent three years wrapped up in Liam’s warm embrace, he let Liam shield him from the bad, he let Liam protect him and keep him safe, he trusted Liam with his life, with his very being. Again, Harry was betrayed. Harry opened up and let Liam in, Harry told Liam his best-kept secrets, physical and emotional, Harry gave Liam absolutely everything he had to give, and Liam simply took, but never gave. Harry tried his hardest to be sugar and spice, but to Liam, he was never good enough. For the second time, Harry felt worthless._ _

__

__* * *_ _

Liam knows Harry knows, but he chooses to remain oblivious. Liam chooses to continue to go behind Harry’s back, because Harry doesn’t mind. Liam knows Harry doesn’t mind, Liam knows Harry loves him too much to say anything about it, so Liam decides that he’ll keep Harry wrapped around his pinky finger. For Harry’s sake, he reasons with himself. Liam thinks he’s doing Harry a favor, by staying with him. Liam knows Harry’s hurting, and the good half of him screams out like a siren, it demands that Liam leave Zayn’s side and be with Harry 100%, but he doesn’t. Liam fucks Zayn, because it makes him happy. No. Liam doesn’t do this to spite Harry, he doesn’t have a reason to spite Harry. Liam doesn’t make love to Zayn. Liam Payne fucks Zayn Malik. When Liam really thinks about it, he doesn’t have a reason to treat Harry this way, but he does. Liam treats Harry like shit, because he can. Liam treats Harry like shit, because Harry lets him.

 

Harry lets Liam take advantage of him because Harry isn’t quite ready to say goodbye. Harry doesn’t want to say goodbye to three years, Harry doesn’t want to say goodbye to this chapter of his life only to welcome cold, dark, nothing. Harry isn’t ready to be completely by himself. Yes, Liam has already emotionally left Harry, but Harry pretends that isn’t true. Harry pretends that Liam’s smile is only his, he pretends that he’s the only thing on Liam’s brain, because he isn’t ready to admit he’s alone. Yes, Harry is emotionally alone, but at least he has someone to hold on to when the nights start to suffocate him. Liam holds Harry when he cries, Liam wakes Harry up from his nightmares when he screams too loud, Liam tells Harry no and shouts at him to stop being so fucking stupid when Harry starts to cave in on himself. Liam is always there. When Liam isn’t there, Liam’s spirit is there. Liam’s warmth is always there. Harry isn’t ready to be alone.

 

* * *

Harry made a promise to himself, he promised that the moment he walked in on Liam and Zayn, he’d leave. Harry swore up and down, he avowed that the very second he walked in on Liam and Zayn, he’d call Niall and he’d put all of his shit in Niall’s truck, and he would leave. Harry would live with Niall until he was okay to stand on his own two feet, he would wait until he could walk again without falling all over himself like a toddler. Harry would be a brave little soldier and leave when that moment came. Harry didn’t know when that moment would come, but he was absolutely sure he wasn’t ready for it just yet. Harry began to wait outside of doors, listening for noises. He became more cautious and aware of his surroundings, tip toeing around his own damn house just to be sure he didn’t walk in on something he wasn’t quite ready to see just yet. Harry didn’t mean to get careless. Harry had thought Zayn had gone home, he had thought that Liam was alone. Harry had assumed it was okay to walk around without his armor on, Harry assumed that he could just have one morning where he didn’t have to walk on eggshells. Maybe Harry just let his guard down, maybe Harry just got tired of being so careful. Who knows, maybe Harry was finally ready to let go.

 

Harry shakily stands up, yawning, the bright sun from the window directly across from him warming up his pale skin and aching bones. Harry stands in front of the window, watching the sun slowly rise higher and higher into the pale blue sky of morning. Harry smiles at the sun, thinking about how it reminds him of Liam, how it rises, and it warms everyone up along the way. During the day, the sun watches over everyone and makes sure everyone has the light they need to go about their business. The sun doesn’t ever leave, unless clouds cover it. Harry thinks that the clouds are Zayn. When the sun goes down for the night, half of the world loses it’s light, and the sun goes somewhere else. The moon rises and takes the sun’s place, basking everyone in its pale white light, trying his hardest to do what the sun does. Not as many people appreciate the moon as much as they do the sun. Harry thinks he’s the moon. Even when the sun is out, the moon is still there, hidden behind all of that blinding light, sitting patiently in the sidelines for its time to shine.

 

Harry snaps out of his thoughts when there’s a thudding noise, his head turning to face the doorway of his bedroom. Harry tugs on the sleeves of his sweatshirt with his fingertips, pulling the edges of his sleeves farther up his wrists as he makes his way out of his room and down the hall towards the living room and kitchen. Harry watches his feet as he walks, he listens to the soft sound of his skin padding against the wooden floors beneath his toes instead of listening for other sounds. You see, if Harry had been listening, he would have just stopped and turned right back around, walked right back into his bedroom, he would have just crawled back under his warm covers. Harry wasn’t listening. It’s too late to turn back now. Harry raises his head to look around the living room, finding it empty and neat. The hairs on the back of Harry’s neck stand up, and Harry just knows he shouldn’t go in the kitchen. He does. Harry walks into the kitchen, his eyes immediately falling to sock that isn’t Liam’s that’s resting close to his feet, and Harry just knows he shouldn’t look up and see what’s going on. He does.

 

It’s Liam and Zayn. Harry sucks in a quick breath and watches as Zayn’s head bobs up and down between Liam’s thighs. Harry watches as Liam leans against the kitchen counter, gripping the grey marble with his mouth wide open and his head tipped back, no sound coming out. Harry knows Liam is very close, so Harry waits until he finishes. Harry watches as Liam metaphorically tears Harry’s heart out of his chest, throws it to the ground and stomps on it. Harry doesn’t make a noise, he doesn’t move an inch. Harry watches with a slack jaw and teary eyes, he watches Zayn get Liam closer and closer to his finish. Harry blinks away the tears in his eyes, wipes them with the back of his hand, because Liam doesn’t deserve to see Harry cry. Liam doesn’t get to see Harry cry. Harry won’t cry yet, Harry won’t cry until he’s in Niall’s arms with a bottle of vodka cradled in between their bodies. Harry won’t give Liam the satisfaction. Brave little soldiers don’t cry, Harry thinks.

 

“Fuck, Zayn, I’m going to come,” Liam warns, tilting his head back down to look at Zayn as he thrusts one last time into Zayn’s mouth before shooting his load down the other boy’s throat. “Oh, god.” Liam chokes out, and Harry watches as Liam’s orgasm tears through his body, literally making him shake and pull on a handful of Zayn’s hair. Harry waits for Liam to notice him, waiting for what seems like ages. Harry gets sicker and sicker with every passing minute, and all he wants to do is throw up all over the goddamn floor because this is the most pain he’s ever been in, but he sucks it up and waits. Finally, Liam takes a deep steadying breath and looks up, making eye contact with Harry from across the room. Harry’s blood runs cold when Liam’s brown eyes finally rest upon him, but he doesn’t say a thing. Neither of them says a thing. Liam doesn’t try to apologize, and Harry doesn’t try to fight. Harry doesn’t have to explain what he’s about to do, and Liam doesn’t try to beg him to get him to stay. Liam knows it’s too late, and Harry knows it’s time to go. Harry blinks back more tears as he spends another moment saying goodbye without actually saying goodbye before he turns around and leaves the room. Brave little soldier.

__

__* * *_ _

___A year later, long after Louis marries the girl he was caught in bed with, long after Liam runs away with Zayn to America, long after Niall abandons Harry and moves back home to Ireland, Harry is alone. For the third time, Harry feels worthless. _____

**Author's Note:**

> find [this](http://shipfiction.tumblr.com/post/43251698141/title-bad-religion-pairing-lirry-liam) and [me](http://shipfiction.tumblr.com/) on tumblr


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